


The Fear Of Falling Apart

by perfectcombination



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post S6, Redemption, Sharing a Bed, Theo still doesn't know how to deal with his emotions, get ready for the angst, lots of hugging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 08:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15945833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectcombination/pseuds/perfectcombination
Summary: "Looking at Liam all he could think about was how he didn't know what it was like to care, to truly care about someone other than himself until Liam pulled him out of his misery. This little annoying kid had made him realize that some people were worth sacrificing for. That everyone deserves a chance of being saved. That he could help diminish someone’s pain instead of being the one inflicting it. Even someone like Gabe."





	The Fear Of Falling Apart

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea to write this fic after a dream I had about a post s6 spin-off.  
> Both titles are inspired by Panic! At The Disco's This is Gospel: I had the song stuck in my head while writing this and, in a way, I think it connects with Thiam.

"Speech ready?" Derek enquired as he opened the door.

 Malia and Scott turned around to face him.

"Not really!" Scott said nervously.

"He his" Malia replied proudly.

 Scott gave her a little smile.

"You are!" she said in an assuring tone.

  After Monroe's defeat, Chris offered up the Argent Bunker to be turned into a safe house for supernaturals, Stiles and Lydia's idea. Manson and Corey had been charged with harboring supplies: food, water, blankets, floor mattresses and pillows, books, some board and card games to pass the time. The pack spent the last month of school getting everything ready, even bought a couple bunk beds, a TV and dvd player, so they could have movie nights from time to time.

 Liam became Deaton's apprentice and learned everything he could about ‘the history of supernaturals in Beacon Hills’ and ‘how to take care of a werewolf''. He dragged Theo with him to the lessons. He'd usually sit quietly and pretend he wasn't really paying attention. They'd often help those still struggling with the full moon and occasionally give one or two fighting lessons. Derek would sometimes stay a couple days, mostly to spend time with Braeden, who was (obviously) in charge of teaching weapons: what types, how they affect werewolves, how to protect yourself from them.

 Derek, Scott, Malia and Chris had been searching the whole county for people they could help. People they could save. Theo and Liam would tag along occasionally on some closer to home missions. They fought surprisingly well together and Scott couldn't help but notice it.

 There where now a total of eighteen people in the bunker, but around thirty-two had passed by. Some had joined the rescue missions, some had been able to return home. Scott was getting ready to welcome a group of five newcomers. He could hear whispers of conversations, across the room. _Heartbeats_. Every single one of them. Anxiously. Waiting for his words of comfort. Some of them were just kids. Most of them hadn't seen the things he's seen. Lived, the things he lived and he wanted to shelter them from that, for as long as he could. He knew he couldn't stay for long and that gave him a bittersweet feeling. On one hand, Beacon Hills was safe for now, they'd be well taken care off. On the other hand, he was well aware of the threat that was still out there and the thought of a new war terrified him.

 At a distance, he hears a steadier, familiar heartbeat.

  _Liam._

***

"You lost."

Next, Liam heard Monroe throw her radio away. That was it. All the hunters at the hospital had been stopped. The war was over. Mission Accomplished. Then why didn't he feel that much accomplished? He got up and turned back to look at Theo. He had never seen him like this. Everyone's supposed to look a bit shaken up after a fight, sure, but Theo never did. He always remained his calm, cold, calculated, self. But this time he seemed different like something had shifted inside of him.

"What now?" he asked.

He was looking at Liam but avoiding his eyes.

"You were good." Liam blurted out.

“What?”

"With Gabe I mean. You wer- you did good!"

 Theo locked eyes with Liam. He held his breath as if getting ready to say something but the words never came.

 He didn’t quite know how to process all this. After that day in the tunnels with Mason, taking someone’s pain away was something he thought he could never do, he couldn’t care that much. He thought that he was broken because of the way he grew up. Or that maybe, being a chimera, he just didn’t have that special ability. Yes that was the logical explanation. The truth though? He did care. He cared so goddamn much and he had no idea of what to do with this new found feeling.

"It's progress!" His thoughts were interrupted by the beta’s soft voice.

"I guess it is." Theo shrugged. Looking at Liam all he could think about was how he didn't know what it was like to care, to truly care about someone other than himself until Liam pulled him out of his misery. This little annoying kid had made him realize that some people were worth sacrificing for. That everyone deserves a chance of being saved. That he could help diminish someone’s pain instead of being the one inflicting it. _Even someone like Gabe._

"How's your shoulder?"

"Almost healed, the bullet went through."

 It was quite stupid, wasn't it? Getting shot to shield someone who literally five minutes ago you said "I'm not dying for you" to. He knew it was a lie right after the words left his lips. Liam's answer hadn't been much better but what could he expect.

"Does it hurt?" The beta asked nervously.

"A little bit." He wasn’t going to tell him how much it really hurt. Liam knew that. So he grabbed his hand.

"What are you doi-” He gave out a little gasp, as he felt the pain leave his body.

"You don't have to pretend with me." Liam said softly.

 The beta was right but after years of lies and deceiving pretending was all Theo knew. That’s why this new found feelings where so hard for him to deal with. He didn't know what to say or how to describe it. He wanted to cry. He felt the tears threatening to roll down his eyes.

 Liam wanted to hold him. He couldn't explain why. He shouldn’t care. He had every single reason in the world to hate Theo, to despise him but somehow those feelings had faded away with time, with every minute they spent together. No matter how much the chimera annoyed him he didn’t really hate him anymore. All he saw in Theo in that moment was a scared teenage boy who’d been through way too much and he understood that.

 He was there, holding his hand, taking his pain away and all he felt was the need to embrace him. So he did. He held him and Theo couldn't keep it in. The first tear streamed down his face and Liam held him until the very last one. The chimera hugged him back.

“It’s okay” Liam whispered softly into his ear.

 Scott drove them back to his beta's house that night. The pair was awfully quiet. Liam was sitting right behind him, Theo on the opposite side. They were both looking out their windows as if avoiding talking to (and even looking at) each other.

"You guys all right?" Theo flinched slightly but remained dead silent.

 Liam gasped. "Yeah, uhm, we're fine" he said reluctantly.

 Scott heard a beat skip Liam’s heart but he thought better not to ask.

 Theo spent the next few weeks in Liam's house until he moved to the bunker. Liam missed having him there, even though he would never admit it. They’d still piss each other off, from time to time, but in a much more friendly way than before. Theo got back to school and he even joined the lacrosse team. Turns out he was actually pretty good at it and Liam couldn’t help but be a little bit jealous when he started becoming friends with some of the team players. None of them knew him like Liam did though. No one knew what he had been through and how he had changed and how he was nothing like the Theo he met when he was just a sophomore. Expect for the witty sarcastic remarks and the incredibly beautiful smile that Liam somehow couldn’t stop thinking about lately. He usually just shrugged off the thought, not letting himself dive too deep into it.

 He also couldn’t help but be incredibly proud of this new Theo, that he now called a friend, his partner in battle, his roommate. Of course, they still threatened to kill each other every now and then, but none of them meant it anymore.

 

 That morning, a call from Scott woke him up.

“Hey!”

“Hi! I’m passing by the bunker later, you and Theo there?” Liam looked over his shoulder to see Theo laying on his side, peacefully sleeping. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

“Yeah. Do you need us?”

“I might”

 The thought of having to wake up Theo broke his heart. He knew this was probably the first night of decent sleep he had gotten in days. He had texted him about his nightmares getting bad again. Liam learned about them that first night he had spent at his house.

 The sound of a scream woke him up.

 _Theo_.

 He was screaming in pain, as the memory of getting his heart ripped out of his chest fluted his brain.

 “Hey, hey, hey, it’s just a dream you’re okay” Theo woke up panicking, his heartbeat at rising speed and he couldn’t catch his breath. “It was just a dream” Liam said, touching the chimera’s shoulder reassuringly.

 Theo looked at him like he didn’t believe he was real. Like that afternoon when he first rescued him from his torture. He eventually calmed down and Liam declared he wouldn’t let him go back to sleeping in his truck alone and that he could sleep in the couch on his room from now on. Theo was hesitant at first but when Liam told his family and they welcomed him with open arms he couldn’t help but fall right into them.

 

 Theo’s nightmares were practically gone but when he moved to the bunker, it started getting bad again. Not having Liam there was the main cause for it. He knew the beta anchored him down, even though he was too stubborn to actually acknowledge it. He’d sometimes text him when it happened and the beta did his best to calm him down over the phone, but it didn’t feel the same and sometimes it wasn’t enough. When that happened, Theo would hug his pillow and let tears stream down his face.

 _Is this what missing someone feels like?_   he often thought.

 He didn’t just miss him tough, he needed him. He needed Liam.

 Weekend nights were the best. Liam would stay over and more often than not they ended up falling asleep next to each other _accidentally_. Whether it would be on the bottom of Theo’s bunk bed or the couch in the ‘living room area’ of the bunker. The night before Scott’s call they fell asleep while watching Star Wars, on one of the floor mattresses. Liam woke up a few hours later, with Theo snuggling him, which he surprisingly did not mind at all.  _Nightmare Prevention_. He happily assumed.

 

 Liam eventually tried to wake Theo up with a “Hey! Scott needs us. We got to get ready” but it only led to him saying “Five more minutes”. Liam wanted to press a kiss on his forehead and say “Okay”.

 He pushed the thought away and instead hit him with his pillow.

“Heeey!” Theo yelled.

“C’mon Scott needs us”

“Fine! I’ll get up! Jesus. You sure know how to wake a guy up” Theo spit out sarcastically.

 Liam smiled sarcastically back at him. “Sleep well?”

“Like a baby. You?”

“Good”

“Fine.” They both got up and started getting ready.

 

“Is that my hoodie?” Liam threw the question out accusingly.

“No.” Theo answered quickly.

“Uhm, yes it is! Why the hell are you wearing my hoodie?

_Because it has your scent and I like it._

“If you care about it so much why did you leave it here?”

“Well I- I- I didn’t! I don’t know.”

“Well you left it behind so now it’s mine. It looks better on me anyways.”

 Liam sighed “I’m going to punch you in the face”

 

 They finally met up with Scott. The plan was simple:

\- Get into the warehouse

\- Find the banshee

\- Get the banshee

\- Get out

 Scott and Chris had been tracking her down for a couple days now and finally found her in this abandoned warehouse. They believed she wasn’t in full control of her powers yet and she accidentally killed two hunters.

 They got into the warehouse stealthily. Avoiding making noise as much as possible. When they got to a certain point they split up to cover more ground.

 He looked around a few rooms before finding her. Short black hair, blue t-shirt and light-toned jeans. She was sitting in a tiny corner, holding her knees against her chest and whispering seemingly incoherent things. She looked terrified. Theo could feel it all too well. He approached her cautiously.

"Hi."

 She was startled by the sound of the chimera's voice. She stared into his eyes. Hers were ocean blue and filling up with tears.

“It's okay, I'm here to help you”

 But she didn’t seem to listen. Suddenly, she stopped moving and she looked deeply into his eyes. She opened her mouth, sucking a breath in.

"They are here" she said in a whisper

 Then it happened. The loud sound of a wall being blown up, crashing down, right on top of her. Theo's eyes widen with shock. Bullets storming in.

"THEO!" Liam yelled from across the room.

 He ran to the chimera.

"Theo we have to get out of here" Liam begged.

 But he couldn't move. Couldn't speak. Shock freezing his bones. Liam grabbed him by the hand and dragged him out, running to Argent's truck. Scott and Chris were running right behind them. They rushed to the back seat.

“You okay?” Liam asked out of breathily.

 But Theo wasn’t listening. He couldn’t process anything right now. The only thing he saw or heard was that wall crashing down on that girl. _That poor girl._

“I couldn’t save her Liam” he finally managed to speak.

“It’s not your fault.”

 Liam coddled his face with both hands gently.

“Hey, Theo look at me. It’s _not_ your fault.” Liam stated again.

 But he couldn’t help to feel like it was. Like he should’ve grabbed her and pulled her out of there. He couldn’t save her. _Failure._ He could hear it in his head. He could hear _them_. It was all he could hear.

 

 This was ridiculous. He'd seen people die before. After years of living with the dread doctors and witnessing countless lives being taken, he became numb to it, he learned how to lock his feelings very deep inside. This time it was different though. This time his feelings were all out, exposed and it was terrifying. He didn’t want this pain, so he shoved it all away and put his ‘I don’t care about anything’ wall back up again. He could pretend all he wanted but seeing that girl die had broken something inside of him.

 Liam had tried to talk to him about it but he pushed him away because he knew that if someone could make him feel things again it was Liam. In fact, it was all Liam’s fault. Before Liam everything was fine.

 

"Do you ever regret bringing me back?"

"What no!" Liam was surprised by the question.

"Not even sometimes?"

"No!"

 "Maybe you shouldn't have" Theo said t in such a low voice that if it wasn't for Liam's enhanced hearing he wouldn't have listened.

“You were having your dead sister repeatedly rip your heart of your chest!”

 Liam couldn’t believe they were having this conversation.

“Well, weren’t you the one who said that I deserved it?”

“That was before!” After everything they’d been through, _how?_

Theo just stood there with a vacant stare.

“Is this about that girl?” the beta asked. “That was NOT your fault. How many times do I have to say it?”

 None. Logically he knew it. He couldn’t have known the hunters were coming and act fast enough on it. But he couldn’t help but think he was to blame for something.

“I should’ve known. Maybe I … could’ve caught a sent or heard their heartbeats.”

 Liam sighed heavily.

“We went over this, three werewolves and none of us sensed anything. Argent thinks they’ve got  a stronger version of the senses-blocker gas”

 He flinched when Liam placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Why are you still stuck on this?” he asked, kindness filling his words.

 Well, maybe because _she was the first person they couldn’t save_. Because somewhere deep inside, he couldn’t let go of all the terrible things he did and maybe all the people he saved made him feel like he was getting some sort of redemption and that maybe he deserved being saved too. Because when that wall crashed down, he felt like everything he had worked so hard to build, crashed down with it. Maybe because he didn’t feel like he deserved the second chance he got anymore. The chance Liam gave him.

 The beta was the first to speak.

“I know you still feel like you have to atone for what you did. ”

 Theo glared at him.

“But you have done enough! You’ve saved my ass more times than I can count. You’ve helped I don't know how many people.”

 Theo sighed deeply. Liam took a step closer to him.

“As much as we’d like too, we _can’t_ save everyone. And trust me, I know”

 Theo looked into the beta’s eyes, staggered.

“Brett and Lori” the names escaped Theo’s lips in a whisper.

 The corners of Liam's eyes wrinkled and his lips gave out a thin smile.

“Brett and Lori” he whispered back.  “Do you know why I took Gabe and Nolan's beating after?”

“’Cause you thought you deserved it?”

“Exactly. And what did you tell me?”

“That you didn’t”

“So _don’t_ beat yourself over this, okay? And don’t tell me I shouldn’t have saved you. Ever again”

Theo exhaled “Okay. I won’t”

 

 

***

 He could feel the sun rising on his cheeks, but he wouldn't dare to open his eyes. He could feel the warmth that comes from intertwining your body with somebody else's. He felt a soft kiss being placed on his shoulder, his neck, behind his ear. The softest bite on the top it. He hears a soft whisper of “Good Morning". But has he turned around to face the whisperer everything went dark, his body was laying on cold, lonely sheets. A pair of light brown eyes, kneeling to meet his.

"Good Morning" Scott said softly.

"Any news?" Liam replied, a mist of sleepiness and anxiety in his voice.

"We've got 5 newcomers!”

 _Five_. The word echoed in the beta’s head.

"Anything else?"

Scott wished he could give Liam the answer he wanted.

"Not yet" it came out almost as a sigh "How are you feeling?"

Liam turned on his back to face the ceiling. There was an unlighted lamp, hanging by a wire that looked like it could break at any moment. _That's how I feel_.

"Fine" The same old lie.

Scott gave him the saddest smile.

"He'll be back soon"

He got up to the door, looked over his shoulder with worried eyes and walked away.

Liam closed his eyes and sighed softly.

"I hope so"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I'm finally back with a new fic. As I said the idea came to me in a dream, which may sound weird but it's true. I can totally see them turning the bunker into a safehouse and spending a bunch of time there. I wanted to explore Guilt/Redemption and how it could play out in Thiam's dynamic.
> 
> Truth be told (whatup song reference again) I miss these idiots and they truly deserve a spin-off.
> 
> I already have a draft of chapter two and I hope it doesn't take me long to finish it.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy reading it!
> 
> See you soon,  
> xx
> 
> Anna


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